Reclaiming Myself through Journaling

As a young girl, I kept a diary. I poured my thoughts and feelings into it just about every day. Everything I did was important to me and so I had no trouble figuring out what to write. I wrote freely and uninhibited.

Unfortunately, my "dear diary" days of free writing are long gone. I honestly cannot remember the last time I kept a journal, nor the last time I wrote without obsessively editing each sentence to perfection. So, when I first heard about B. Lynn Goodwin's journaling book, I wondered, with my schedule, what personal time do I have to devote to writing about myself? Despite some misgivings, I decided to take on a journaling challenge with the help of the author’s new book, You Want Me to Do What? Journaling for Caregivers. Using some of the 200+ writing prompts, plus numerous tips, I have begun to reclaim my love of writing, plus my sense of self.

This past month, my daily goal has been to write freely for 15 minutes (without my internal editor). One particular day, I had chosen to use the writing prompt "Today I feel hopeful..." to write about what I hoped to achieve by journaling. However, I found that after about 10 minutes, I was struggling to find words. As I tried to break past my writer’s block, I recalled one of Lynn's main points: don’t stop writing because you can't think of what to say. As I kept writing, I found ideas coming to me. I acknowledged my regrets for not maintaining a keepsake book for my children when they were infants. I wrote about my desire for "my children to understand who I am before I grow older". Fighting the urge to put down my pen, I continued writing; trusting myself and the process. In just a few more sentences, I discovered a deeper reason behind my interest in keeping a journal. I wrote, "I want to record what I see, for my days as a sighted person are numbered".

As I read what I had just written, I realized for the first time that this was on my mind. I do have an eye disease that will one day render me blind. My condition is progressive, and inevitable. I've made peace with this reality, and rarely think about it on a day-to-day basis. Looking forward into my future, I truly believe that by capturing a moment each day in my life now, I am creating a book of memories for that future to remind me of the beauty surrounding me now. Even in the darkest days of my future, I will have the light of this journal to encourage and inspire me.

This little book has had such a powerful impact on me as a caretaker and writer. I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to share some of my journal entries with Lynn. She encouraged me to explore my thoughts freely, without editing while I wrote. I learned a great lesson about my internal editor--I can be a good writer even without her! In fact, I am becoming an even better writer by trusting my instincts.

I would highly recommend this helpful guide to everyone. We are all caretakers; if not for others, then for ourselves. It is important to take time for yourself. Even if you don't think you have time for journaling, give it a try. At the end of a stressful day, it will bring peace to your mind and soul. Embrace the opportunity to reclaim yourself through journaling!